So. A little while back, I was asked to join in a special venture to show some love to someone I adore, poisontaster, and I sat and thought “Now, what would Erin like to read?”

Then deirdre_c gave me the awesome idea of writing the new!otp fic where Jensen goes home, and I thought “A-ha!”

Only…this isn’t that fic. At least, not quite. This is more like the prequel to that story, which I fully plan on writing. This? Is schmoop, pure and simple. And I hope you like it, Erin, and I love you more than words can say.

Also, for those who are curious, fratboy!verse is coming for superpornsunday, I promise!

Title: and in the pulse there lies conviction
Characters: SV!Jensen/GG!Jared
Rating/Warnings: NC-17; RPS, boys in love…schmoop?
Word Count: 2, 489
Summary: Interlude in the new otp ‘verse. Jensen finally goes home.
Notes: For poisontaster, because…well, who really needs a reason to show Erin love? ♥
Beta by technosage, who is basically this series’s surrogate mommy. *g*





and in the pulse there lies conviction
By keepaofthecheez


He gets the first call as he’s sitting down to supper, homemade garlic potatoes and grilled steak, and excuses himself to the bathroom. He can’t stop the soft smile from spreading when he answers. “How’s it goin’?”

Jensen’s heavy breathing comes across the line, and worry starts to prickle along Jared’s spine, intensified when Jensen finally speaks. “I’m thinking maybe this was a mistake.”

Once upon a time, those words from Jensen’s lips would’ve left Jared feeling broken, useless. Now, he simply swallows, love and sympathy washing through his veins, throat squeezing his voice low and husky. “You need me to come up?”

There’s a beat of silence, and Jared can practically see the struggle across Jensen’s features. Imagines him holed up somewhere, shaking and upset with himself for being upset. There’s nothing Jensen hates more than feeling out of control in a situation, and it’d been Jared who’d pushed this, who’d even suggested it in the first place--

“Give it a rest, Sam,” comes Jensen’s voice, and there’s a thread of sarcastic humor woven through it that’s so familiar it works to set Jared’s immediate anxiety at rest. “I can hear you angsting from here. Save it for the dailies.”

“Shut up,” Jared says, but he’s smiling again. “Maybe I just miss you.” He’s not sure if it’s the right thing to say; it’s been months since they found each other again, since everything finally fell into place, but Jared’s still working some things out. Still worries sometimes about just how much of everything Jensen can and will handle.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Frustration sharpens Jensen’s voice, makes it brittle and breakable, and Jared’s heart and fists clench. “I shouldn’t have come. I feel so…”

“Feel what, Jen?” Soft, easy. Talk to me, I’m here. I’m always here.

“I miss you.” Another tension-filled pause, and Jared’s breath gets lodged somewhere in the back of his throat. Then, “I don’t…feel comfortable here, Jay. Fuck. Why is this so…”

Jared stays silent, waiting, hoping Jensen will just come out and say it so that Jared can figure out how to make it better.

“They want me to go to church on Sunday.” Jensen laughs, choked and gritty. “Haven’t been to church since my first year in LA. God, it’s all so normal and I just wanna run away screaming. What the hell’s wrong with me, man?”

“There’s not a damn thing wrong with you, idiot.” He’s already moving toward his bedroom, thinking up excuses as to why he has to take off for Dallas in the middle of his hard-won vacation, wondering if he can con Megan into packing for him while he gets a taste of those steak and potatoes. “I can be there in five hours.”

“No.” The finality, determination in Jensen’s voice is edged with guilt, and Jared knows. He knows that Jensen really does want him to come, but doesn’t want to need it. It’s on the tip of his tongue to get irritated by that, tell Jensen that he’s here -- wants to be -- for anything Jensen needs.

I’m always here.


xxx


The second call wakes him up before the sun’s painted the sky gold, and Jared blinks and struggles to separate misty dreams and lucid reality. His feet are cold, hanging off the end of his childhood bed, and he fights a shiver while fumbling with his phone. “’Lo?”

“I woke you up.”

It’s not exactly an apology, and Jared blinks sleep-heavy lids and squints at the clock. 3 am. When it comes, his voice is slurred, thick. Concerned. “Jen? Whas’ matter?”

There’s some background static across the line, and the snick of a lighter as soft as a sigh. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Jared licks his lips, sits up against the pillows, and forgets the idea of a full-night’s sleep when he hears the stress in Jensen’s voice. “M’here,” he manages huskily, fingers twisting in the sheets.

The line’s quiet for a long moment, and then, “You know, I forgot how damn pretty the sky is out here. Just endless.”

Jared’s heart swells a bit, lips curving at the edges. “Feelin’ poetic, huh?”

“Suck it, Padalecki.” But there’s no heat in Jensen’s tone, save for the kind that has Jared shifting in his bed and wishing Jensen was within arm’s reach. He hears Jensen take a drag on his cigarette. “I was thinkin’ about before. When you said you’d come up.”

Jared turns on his side, closes his eyes and cradles the phone between his ear and his shoulder. It feels too warm under the blankets, but he doesn’t mind much. “Mmm?”

“You think you still wanna?” Jensen’s voice is a little tighter than usual, and Jared’s eyes flutter open. “If you’re too busy or whatever, it’s cool. I just thought maybe--”

“I’ll be there by lunch.” It’s that easy, and Jared’s torn between soft amusement and exasperation when he hears Jensen’s sigh of relief. “You expected another answer?”

Jensen laughs, quiet and shaky. “Man, I don’t know. I’m freaking the fuck out here, and I just. It’d be easier if you.” There’s a beat of silence, and then a frustrated hiss, “I just…need you. Here. Okay?”

Jared smiles into the dark, voice just a whisper. “You got me.”


xxx


He’s fifteen minutes outside Dallas when the phone rings again.

They’ve been texting back and forth for the past two hours during the drive from Austin to Waco; intimate chatter of how close? and can’t wait to see you again.

He answers with a jaunty, “I’m startin’ to suspect you like me, Jensen Ackles”, one hand wrapped around the wheel of a 2006 Xterra rental, the other holding his phone to his ear, lips spread wide. He doesn’t wait for Jensen’s answer before adding, “And I’m comin’ up on the Richardson exit now.”

“There’ll be a Holiday Inn on your left when you get around the curve,” Jensen says, and Jared tastes the excitement flavoring Jensen’s voice. “Pull in, and come on up to room 210.”

Jared’s taken aback for only a second, and then bright laughter bursts from his lips. “A hotel, huh? You romantic, you.”

He’s still chuckling when Jensen hangs up with a pissy sigh, already taking the turn toward the hotel.

There’s a spot near the end of the lot, by the stairwell, and Jared pulls in and throws the SUV in park. He takes the steps two at a time, already half-hard, endorphins pumping through his blood. When he gives the door three sharp raps, it springs open and Jensen’s there, pulling him in, shoving him up against the wall.

“Thank God,” Jensen mutters, and Jared barely has time to get out an appreciative murmur before he’s got a mouthful of Jensen’s tongue. He reaches down, grabs Jensen’s ass and squeezes.

“It’s only been a week.” He laughs between wet kisses, head spinning, because he thinks for some reason that point should be made. It shouldn’t feel like he hasn’t had his hands on Jensen in forever, like he hasn’t smelled and tasted and fucked this person he loves so goddamn much for so long. Should it?

“Don’t care.” Jensen grinds against him, one hand sinking into Jared’s hair and pulling. “Damn, Jay, want you so fucking much.”

“Oh, yeah.” Jared’s got him by the hips now, starts walking Jensen backward toward the made-up bed, and they go down with a few colorful curses and more than a little laughter. Jared rolls on top, nuzzles down in the groove of Jensen’s neck and collarbone. “Missed me?”

“You fucking girl.” Jensen slips a hand down under the waistband of Jared’s jeans, teasing the skin there and chuckling when Jared shivers down to his bones. “Fuck, yes, I missed you. You know I did.”

Jared hums down deep in his throat, eyes falling shut as he rolls his hips between Jensens spread legs. “Gonna show me?” he asks, voice scratchy and sandpaper-rough.

“I’m thinking about it.” And then Jensen breaks out into a slow grin, and Jared feels light as a fucking feather because, this? Is what he always wants for Jensen. None of the darkness, bitterness, and all of the humor and happiness. Never wants to see anything but a smile curving those pouty-pink lips, love and affection shining in green-gold eyes.

He is a total fucking girl.

He brushes his mouth along the underside of Jensen’s jaw, dragging out ragged breaths from Jensen’s throat, savoring the prickle of day-old stubble against his tongue. “Think later, fuck now.”

Jensen laughs again, low, sultry, and Jared sits up and jerks his shirt over his head. Brings Jensen’s hands to his zipper and thrusts against Jensen’s fingers, brow arched and lips curved into a daring smirk.

Jensen’s eyes go dark, his tongue wetting his bottom lip. He presses one hand at the small of Jared’s back, pushing him closer into the cup of Jensen’s palm against his dick. It feels so fucking good, and Jared sucks in a breath and purrs Jensen’s name into the quiet. “Jen. Fuck.”

“Gonna.” The sound of metal teeth unclenching punctuates the need thrumming below Jared’s skin, and then his dick is in Jensen’s hand and, oh holy Christ-- “C’mere.”

Jared blinks, vision blurry and skin too-tight. He watches Jensen stroke him from root to tip, thumbing across the head of his cock, and fucks slowly into his fist. Jensen whispers it again -- “C’mere, Jay” -- and he scoots up until Jensen’s breath coasts warm and wet against him.

When those filthy-pink lips wrap around him, sucking his cock in deep, Jared’s head falls back on a low groan. He plants both hands on the wall, fingers digging into plaster, and watches Jensen’s lashes flutter, his cheeks hollow.

Never wanna be anywhere else.


xxx


The next time the phone rings, he’s riding deep in Jensen’s ass, lips pursed and sucking a bruise to the surface of Jensen’s neck. He stills at the sound, glancing over to see Jensen’s phone lit up and demanding attention. Groans a little and starts to move away.

Jensen tenses, hand coming around, palming Jared’s ass and holding him in deep. “Don’t…don’t stop.” He twists his neck and lets Jared see the flushed pleasure written across his features. “Jus’ let it ring.”

Jared drags his teeth along the freckles dotting Jensen’s shoulder, soothing with his tongue. The phone keeps ringing with every thrust, and he swallows a groan, raises up on his knees, hands on Jensen’s hips. The sound suddenly stops, followed moments later by a lilting melody signaling a new voicemail.

You've reached Jensen, and I’m not around at the moment. If it’s important, call my agent. He has no life. Later.

Jared can recite the damn thing by heart. He bites back a fierce smile when he looks down and sees what Jensen finds more important than whomever might be calling. Watches his spit-slickened cock sink deep inside, Jensen opening and pouting around him.

“Oh, God.” It’s whimpered into the pillow, and Jensen arches his back, rocking back into the roll of Jared’s hips. “More. Wanna feel it.”

Jared can’t help but laugh, because damn if he doesn’t feel too much already. This isn’t the time to ponder the situation -- Jensen spread out and begging for it underneath him -- so he just jerks Jensen by the hips. Rocks back on his heels and settles Jensen into his lap. “It’s all you, baby,” he breathes, relinquishing control just that easily because he knows Jensen wants it.

Blunt fingernails dig into his thighs, and then Jensen’s grinding down against him, head lolling on Jared’s shoulder, mouth wide open while his eyes grow heavy-lidded. It’s the prettiest picture Jared’s ever seen, and almost too much.

Jensen laughs low in his chest, still riding and fucking down on him, while Jared wraps his arms around his best friend, his fucking world -- not to put too sappy a point on it. Sinks his teeth into Jensen’s shoulder, a teasing warning, and reaches for Jensen’s cock, pulling slow and sweet. “Come on, baby. Jen, come on.”

He puts a sexy slur on Jensen’s name, knowing damn well what it does. Grins when Jensen shudders and moans, cursing him -- “M’not a damn girl, don’t gotta be so damn…oh God, Jay, yeah.”

Jared closes his eyes and moans softly, gives in, lets Jensen wring him dry. Coaxing every milky splash against his fingers, he hums and murmurs under his breath. Croons words that’re meaningless except for how they mean everything when Jensen collapses back against him with his head turned into Jared’s shoulder, nose brushing and mouth open and seeking. Jared’s hand finds his cheek, cups and angles and pulls that swollen, gorgeous mouth to his own.

“Hi,” he whispers against Jensen’s lips, grinning like a goddamn fool.

Jensen’s sigh is quiet, content. “Hey.” A beat of silence, and then his fingers close over Jared’s splayed across his belly. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad you want me here.” Jared kisses him again, waits until Jensen’s relaxed and sleepy-soft in his arms. “And that you wanna snuggle.”

Jensen bats his hands away with a snort. “Get the fuck off me, ass.”

Jared just grins more.


xxx


“Yeah, Ma, we stopped to get some dinner. See a movie. We’ll be in late.”

Jared blinks his eyes open, sees the hazy outline of Jensen across the room, leaning against the balcony door and puffing away on a smoke. There’s a nervous tremor in Jensen’s hand, sending blue-white wisps up around his head in a twisted curl.

Jared rolls over and tucks his arm under his head, watching in unabashed tenderness until Jensen glances over and sees him awake. Offers a small smile, and Jensen returns it, saying, “Yeah, we’ll be careful.” A pause. “I know, Ma.” Catching Jared’s eye again, he makes a face Jared easily reads as save me from overprotective parents.

Jared’s smile widens, because God, does he know the feeling.

“Okay, I know the alarm code. Yeah. See you tomorrow, then. I…I love you, too.” There’s a catch in Jensen’s breath, something flickering across his expression almost too quickly for Jared to glimpse in his half-awake state, but he knows Jensen too damn well by now.

When he joins Jensen by the door, pants unzipped and riding low on his hips, he drops a quick kiss to Jensen’s bare shoulder. Tasting salt and skin, he turns to stare out at the small, scenic courtyard across the street. “So, what’s the plan?”

Jensen laughs, but there’s not any humor left. “To make me a normal person again?” The same old pain haunts his voice, deepening it to a ragged, husky murmur.

Jared swallows back all the things he wants to say. Things Jensen won’t want, isn’t ready, to hear. Simply pulls him close and breathes deeply of humid, Dallas air.

At least this time, he’s here to help battle the demons.